How Stress Affects Our Children

Stress is defined as "a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or very demanding circumstances."  Our students use the term loosely to describe how they are feeling on any given day regarding school and homework, social demands, parents' expectations, work responsibilities, and friendship issues.  We certainly want to assist our children in reducing the amount of stress they experience.  However, some degree of stress is therapeutic and an appropriate amount of stress is what helps us become strong.  The hard part is what is appropriate.  We know that the more we try to mitigate all the stress in our children's life the less resilient the child becomes and they feel hopeless about their own future. 

Here are some current statistics about students and stress: 

* Teen stress level is higher than adult level much of the year
* Teen girls report higher stress and more symptoms than boys
* 27% say they experience "extreme stress" during the school year vs. 13% in the summer
* As a result of stress, 40% of teens report feeling irritable or angry; 36% nervous or anxious; 33% say stress makes them feel overwhelmed, depressed, or sad
* 59% report that managing their time to balance all activities is a somewhat or very significant stressor
* 40% say they neglected responsibilities at home because of stress; 21% say they neglected work or school because of stress
* 32% say they experience headaches because of stress; 26% report changes in sleeping habits
* 26% report snapping at or being short with classmates or teammates when under stress
* 37% of teens exercise or walk to manage stress; 28% play sports while 46% play video games and 43% spend time online
* Stress levels dipping in the summer suggests how important summer is to kids' mental health

When children and teens were asked about what makes them feel stressed, they stated the following were their top stressors:

* Parents expecting me to be perfect
* Parents expecting me to have perfect friends
* The pressure of grades
* The loss of a friend
* Parents who fight
* Parents who constantly expect me to outdo previous achievements
* Having a depressed friend
* Having too much to do
* Teachers expecting too much
* Getting in fights with people
* Feeling like I have to compete, do better than my friends
* Lack of common interests with others
* People saying "dumb" (hurtful) things
* Not being able to talk (communicate) with other people
* Kids getting angry with me for knowing the answers
* Brothers and sisters who get on my nerves
* Teachers who embarrass me

 

The symptoms of stress can affect us in a variety of ways, emotionally, physically, cognitively, and behaviorally.  If you or your child start experiencing any of the following symptoms, you might need to find another way to manage your stress or seek help from a professional:

Emotional:  easily agitated, frustrated, moody, feeling overwhelmed, like you are losing control or need to take control, trouble relaxing, low self-esteem, lonely, worthless, depressed
Physical:  low energy, headaches, upset stomach, nausea, aches, pains, tense muscles, chest pain, insomnia, dry mouth, clenched jaw, cold or sweaty hands and feet
Cognitive:  constant worrying, forgetfulness, racing thoughts, inability to focus, poor judgment, being pessimistic or only seeing the negative side
Behavioral:  changes in appetite, procrastinating and avoiding responsibilities, exhibiting more nervous behaviors such as nail biting, fidgeting, and pacing

To keep stress at a manageable level, there are things parents can do to assist their child:

1.  Limit extra-curricular activities to one or two things they truly enjoy so they can have more downtime and can avoid over-scheduling
2.  Try to eat at least one meal a day with them and have family discussions
3.  Get them off technology for a couple of hours each week for family time, household chores, or discussion
4.  Make sure they have physical as well as intellectual stimulation every day.  A brilliant mind can't do much without a healthy body
5.  Pay attention to warning signs of suicide or depression
6.  Let them be kids and have fun once in a while without an agenda.  Everything does not have to be a learning project
7.  Help them learn stress-reducing techniques such as yoga or meditation
8.  Reward them for making a true effort, not only for good grades
9.  Be active in their school
10.Don't push your own agenda and dreams upon them.  Let them decide what they want to do in life
11.Act like a parent more than a friend.  Your role is to teach, guide, and support


 "Children are likely to live up to what you believe of them."
  — Lady Bird Johnson, Former First Lady of the United States